I am just so annoyed and frustrated right now.

This, Melissa Huang, is a reminder to you that you can not be soft hearted and back out from whatever you've been striving for. Yes, that means get out of your current line.

It's just really hurtful and unnecessary for this kind of things to be happening. Yes, they might feel a little embarrassed being confronted like that but I've been fuming the whole bloody day. It's really not cool maaaaaaaaaaan.

I really wish that sometimes they could take a good look at themselves before complaining about others. Plus I know for sure that this time I am not in the wrong because I did help. Like effing alot, please. But the person who's shooting her mouth away definitely did not lift a finger in that crucial moment. So suck it up if you can't finish on time, we all have days like that. But you don't have to complain when others get to leave on time. Plus, maximum help have already been given to the staff in need.

Don't tell me it's a miscommunication cause you're jolly well the person who's an overreacting woman. Plus I was effing busy today and i still need to go around asking if anyone else needs help. Are you kidding me? No one even bothered to come and ask if I needed help. And when I need to serve meds which needed to be counterchecked, everyone still shoves me away. Well thank you for nothing.

You really don't want to push your luck. I'm not even sure how I'll react if my limit is met.

In Nursing, everyone remembers and notices all the mistakes that you've made.

It gets dangerous when you yourself only remember the mistakes that you've commited and forget that you've done and prevented lots of others as well.

The thing I'm most afraid of now is experiencing a time whereby my patient if found unresponsive by me or in a very critical condition. And me, the nurse in charge of him or her is suppose to act on it. What would i do? I know everyone prob have their own first times but i never want mine to come. But maybe, when it really comes like how my collegue told me, it'll be herat pumping and everything will come smoothly. Then i wouldn't be so afraid the next time it happens.

Maybe it's like being afraid of the thought of having to take bloods or setting a plug for the patient when i was a student. And right now, i'm doing both by myself. Even though i prefer taking bloods to setting plugs. :P But yeah, i guess it's just the day when you have to get back to work again tomorrow. Mark have probably seen enough of these days haha. And it's only be 4 months since orientation.

JCI is coming in 2 days now. Used to be months. Feel so unprepared for it but i'm really praying that they won't come when i'm on duty. Highly unlikely but i'm just gonna keep praying.

I've had sucky days but i'm sure suckier days will be up ahead. But I had good days too when i end on time. So here's just a reminder to myself. Even though there are many days when you've had enough and just want to quit, you've also had days to remind yourself that you're not the only one working hard. People have done much more to get to where they are. And like love said, for every job it's always tough at first. and people will only start enjoying their job when they're good at it. So just give yourself more time. If one year is up and you're still having these thoughts, then you know it's really time to go.

I think i'm putting alot of pressure on myself though. about my mistakes, about my shortcomings. maybe i should think of it in a more positive way. a few months and you're already good to go. that's considered an accomplishment right? you may have made mistakes but you're more likely not to make them the next time it comes right back at you than others now. time management will slowly come to you. like a habit you can never kick next time.

slowly i guess.. then more habits will start to form and everything will be a breeze.

Really amazed that i've reached to a point of being an independent nurse. Though i'm screwing up often, forgetting things and making mistakes and being a jinx.. it's still amazing that i've gone that far.

wish i could rant here but i'm just going to wait till the next time i see bing and lala. just a sidenote, i'm def nt going to be a nurse for that long.

Hellooooo.

I really shouldn't stop blogging. My only online method to communicate with bing and lala. Since both of them don't come online often. ESP sheepy haha. But yeah, shifts are different, harder to meet each other.

I think the google calender's super useful. Mark shared his with me so now i know whenever he has camp and when he's free. I put on my work shedules on it too. So he knows too. :)

Okay, now the big question. How is life in my new new ward?

First, I like the environment. So neat, tidy, organized. I think i haven't really seen the chaotic moments yet but yeah. I've been taking the paeds side for quite a few days now. Maybe even weeks. Seen parents that are crazily knowledgable to some whom are really nice. One even wrote my name in the feedback form. Hehe.

Second, the people. Not too bad, still getting to know them.. but i REALLY miss bing and lala. Sigh. Feel alittle out of place sometimes but i guess it'll pass. But today i heard like even more staff have handed in their transfer request. And they are.. locals. So if they really get transfered, I'll be like one of the only locals left. Sadly. Sigh.. But i mean the foreigners are nice and all but it'll be nice to have some locals really. Crossing my fingers for the new batch to come with locals! :D

But yeah, ups and downs i guess. Some very silly moments which i really wish it didnt happen but i guess it's all learning. Though things can be as simple as connecting things together, i still need to be shown at least once.. properly. To remember it. Sigh, so silly! But i guess asking is better than not asking.

Hate being dependent on people but i guess it's a stepping stone to be independent. Not a student any more. Getting used to being a staff. Yay.

I had a major PMS yesterday though. Kept whinning to mark how much i miss bing and lala and even tearing abt it. Guess it can be pretty lonely at times but i'll survive. Hope i can meet them soon. :D

I'm so full from my lunch/dinner. Morning shift tmr so i gtta go slp soon. Craving for KFCCCCCCCCCCCC.


Bye!

Hurls. I have work tomorrow. Tired. Want weekend again. Sucks.

Go away.